So tell me: what colour panties are you wearing?
No – no, this isn’t a phone call from some husky voiced chap calling himself Jack the Stripper, but a serious question from your Image Consultant.
And I’m not about to do any underwear shaming here, but I do want you to be honest.
So – how many of you are wearing old and saggy knickers which have greyed and faded in the two hundred washing cycles they’ve been through? (Oh – and how many of you had a sneaky look to check?)
And – even if your knickers are new and vibrant, are they the right colour for you? Are they the right style for what you’re wearing?
So here are some questions I want you to consider before you buy new panties and certainly before you put them on in the morning.
- Will these panties be comfortable to wear? Some of you may want to go the 100% cotton route, some of you may be happy with silky fabric – but always check for a cotton gusset. There are some places you really don’t want chafing. And make sure the fit is snug without being tight. The ideal panties are the ones you don’t know you’re wearing.
- Will these panties show through your clothes? By which I mean, will the colour show through? You may think white will be a safe option, but it is actually one of the worst offenders for colour “bleed through.” Beige or nude is usually the best option if you’re wearing light coloured clothes (especially if your trousers are white and unlined!). I’ve always liked the line “If I want a man to see my underwear – I’ll take him home!”
- Does the colour and style suit you? Some of us love pretty and fun, some of us prefer clean, unembellished and elegant and some of us like to put rhinestones and lace on our knickers as well as our outer clothes! Go with your colours and personal style even here.
- The dreaded VPL (Visible Panty Line) trap. There are only two safe choices here: you choose boy shorts or you go for the thong. Now – opinions are divided on thongs and I’m not going to attempt to influence you either way. Some people find them very comfortable while others can’t stand anything that tries to get that intimate with their very private bits. My grandmother would look at them and comment “Well, there’s no warmth in them, dear,” – but I feel we’ve moved on from the days when we all wore woollen combinations with many petticoats and shivered around inadequate open fires!
- Do you need a bit of extra smoothing and support in the bottom and tummy area? And yes – I am talking Spanx here! My dears – there’s no shame in it – especially if we’re wearing a dress with clean lines that hugs us the way we wish Hugh Jackman would if ever we were to meet him (a girl can dream, you know). It’s not just evening dresses that may need a bit of smoothing – so be happy to have quite a few pairs of shaping knickers around. Make sure they come nice and high so you don’t get a line around your waist – and then make sure your tights don’t create one either! Oh, and check on the comfort levels; you want to be wearing them all day without feeling that instead of Hugh Jackman you’re being hugged by a boa constrictor.
- Do they match your bra? Very important for some of us, not so important for others. Vital for me as this cautionary tale will tell. Some years ago, when my eldest daughter was four years old, we were staying by the sea. My daughter finished her breakfast, slipped off her chair and disappeared out of the door and onto the beach. It’s a very safe area and I didn’t think anything of it until I looked out of the window and realised she had taken her boogie board with her and had launched herself on the board out to sea on an ebb tide. There she was, floating serenely away, with the next stop Holland! Well, there was nothing for it but to dash over the sand, strip down to my undies and go in after her. I’d got her back safely when I realised the real problem. The real problem was that the house next door was being rebuilt and hanging over the scaffolding were half a dozen hunky builders watching the show. They were good enough not to wolf-whistle, but that walk back over the sand and along the sea wall in just my ratty underwear ranks among my all-time most embarrassing memories. I have made sure to wear pretty matching undies ever since – even when seventy miles away from the sea!
So consider these points, choose well, and you can be sure your panties will bring you joy from the moment you put them on to the moment you take them off – regardless of whether your own Hugh Jackman is around or not!