Will You Get A Sense of Proportion!

So, how many of you are Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fans? Or who have parents who are and who never stop quoting bits from it?

Those of familiar with that wonderful opus (Radio, books, TV) will be aware that, of course, a sense of proportion can a very dangerous thing. One of Douglas Adam’s creations was The Total Perspective Vortex;  a machine able to show you as the tiny microscopic insignificant being you are compared to the vast, wonderful, enormous immensity of space. The result this is that, naturally, you go completely mad.

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot right now.
If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot right now.

Well, unless you are Zaphod Beeblebrox, of course; his ego was discovered to be as big as space itself! He is the only recorded person to have survived the Total Perspective Vortex and emerged unscathed. And is it just me, or was Mark Wing Davy as the great ZB himself just the sexiest thing with two heads? Oh, just me then.

So, rest assured, we will not be gazing upwards into space today. Instead, we’ll be gazing down at our bodies and learning a few dos and don’ts about dressing them so that they look as if we each have the perfect figure!

I often say that looking good is just an optical illusion. The trick is to know what we’ve got to work with in the first place and then to dress it with a little cunning magic and a dose of common sense.

So today we’ll look at your up and down proportions.

Are you elegantly long-waisted with shorter legs for your torso, short-waisted with legs that go on forever or do you have the perfectly proportioned body? I’ll warn you; it’s almost impossible for you to measure this yourself, but of course, it’s all done for you as part of your Personal Style Day. If you have done your Style day but can’t remember, then get that book out and remind yourself!

Now, if you’re feeling strong enough to cope with some very American accents, then follow this link and you’ll see some reasonably good advice. But please tell me that I look better than the lady dispensing this advice and whether you know anyone who would actually wear that final outfit. OK, OK – I would, but probably only as pyjamas!

So some extra advice for Long body and Short Legs:

  • Always wear your jackets or cardigans, even tops, above your leg break. The exception is that some girls look great with structured jackets/cardis that go longer – but usually worn open over separates that break at the waist or a jacket over a short dress  just an inch or two below the jacket hem.
  • Wear your belt as close to your natural waist as you can, not slung around your hips – oh and match the colour of your belt to your bottoms, not your tops.
  • Where appropriate keep your skirt lengths as short as your age, knees, thighs,  (and possibly profession) allow.

For the Leggy Girls:

  • A bolero is not your friend – you can end up looking like a lollipop on a stick! You can maybe wear a shrug over a maxi-dress, but only if it’s got clean lines and is not waisted. Like this one from Kettlewell, for instance.
  • Make sure your jackets and cardis are at least leg break length. You’ll keep wanting to tug them down if they’re shorter.
  • Wear your belt lower than your waist, so it sits on your tummy. It’s normally a more flattering look anyway.

For the Perfectly Proportioned:

  • Keep your proportions and don’t distort them! You’re the girl who may well suit all those classic cuts and lengths that look so boring on the rest of us. On you they won’t scream “class”, but they may well utter it in clear, perfectly modulated tones. Experiment with different lengths and belt placings by all means, but just let the mirror be your guide.

So there we go. Regardless of the HHGTTG reference, this is not rocket science; it’s just common sense. Another time we’ll look at apple and pear shapes and some of the myths and legends around dressing those shapes too.

Now, as I’ve had requests to keep these musings brief and we’re over 700 words already, I’ll leave this one here. Please comment or ask questions and I promise to get back to you as soon as I can.

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